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Whiteout's How To: Alleviate Your Skull Buddy's Sudden Cravings for Bread

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The Introduction

Hello, everypilot and everynonpilot, Whiteout here with another How To! Why did I make a second How To? It's simply because I had fun while making the first How To.. Besides, these things are always helpful. Right?

I don't know what else to say for this introduction, so I'll just cut to the chase. Enjoy the read and don't get pickpocket'd by the Hurlbat that's hiding in your closet!


The Problem

Do you sometimes wonder about the anomalies of SuperMechs? The strange occurrences that appear in the corner of your eye but vanish before you could catch a glimpse of it? If you don't, congrats, you're not going crazy. However, there has been a certain.. Threat.. Lingering about in plain sight that no one, not even the great high rank gods, can detect before it's already too late. This threat is dangerous.. And it's enough to destroy any legendary hero's chance of reaching rank 24..

Your skull drone somehow learned how to quack and has developed a thing for consuming massive amounts of bread.

This alone is terrifying enough as it is but it's even worse when on the battlefield. "What should I do? Why is my drone like this?! I wanted to eat that! WHY MUST YOU HURT ME IN THIS WAY", you are most certainly thinking about because I am surely a mindreader with the ability to read your mind. Don't question the legitimacy of that or I will take your card and up the price for mind readings specifically for you.


The Divine Solution

Well, now that we're back on track- I bet you're begging for a solution for this grave danger of a predicament that puts your chances at getting a boomwitch in jeopardy. Lucky for you, I know of exactly what is needed for that problem of yours! What is the divine solution? It's something that is.. Very dangerous if spoken about.. BUT if you are desperate for a solution, I shall read the forbidden words for your ears to engulf..

Your skull buddy is actually a flying bullet duck!

Is this for real? It's basically as real as the fact that you somehow mistook a Greedy as a Void and used it for long enough without realizing the fact that your buddy isn't helping. Seriously- How does someone manage to mistake a skull with a thirst for eternal vengeance for a body-less duck that wants to do nothing but consume bread for eternity? It shouldn't be hard to see the difference in value and overall design!

Quite literally, having a duck as a buddy is more superior to the likes of William Shakespeare-ing everything in sight while shouting every word of Hamlet! (Not really but still.. It's not hard to differentiate Greedy from Void.) 

Before I get pelted by Greedy mains for shaming the drone, Greedy is really just like Void.. They're both easy to counter and their damage is easily overshadowed by the top tier physical drones. It's a sad truth but at least the Greedy and Void fanbases won't war over superiority but rather, they can now come together to spite the likes of the yellow bullet shark.


The Closing

So, has this body of text managed to subdue the threat that was plaguing your fun journey through Drylands? If so, I'm really confused on how this has managed to be of any help. It's quite literally a joke post that was created with no initial intention of being helpful in anyway.. At least, as far as you know from what I'm telling you now. Maybe this kind of topic is really a helpful topic in the clothing of a joke topic that is said to be a joke by the author. Will you ever find out the truth about the topic's true intention? I'm not sure of that myself.

Also, make sure to show affection towards a Greedy or Void when you see one during your travels, yeah? It'll really help in giving them hope that they still have a shot of being something much greater than what they're viewed for. Donate tokens to the local Drones Support Society for a free mug and a badge that shows that you've done your part in giving drones like these two a better tomorrow.

.. And no, I won't do mindreading sessions via request because.. An appointment is required- Yes, an appointment is required! (And I definitely don't know how to mind read..)

That's all for the topic, everypilot. You may now stand for dismissal. Please exit the theater room in a single file line and show proper exiting procedure etiquette on your way out. Thank you for watching with Whiteout's Non-Existent Cinema! Please come again soon!

This is Whiteout, actually signing off without the cliche theater exit.


Edited by W.H.I.T.E.O.U.T
Fixed two letters because the misspelled "now" and "an". The major spelling threat has been, indeed, vanquished. (see edit history)

If you fail and don't succeed at something, you simply haven't failed enough. Through failures, one can pave a path to eventual success. 

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  • W.H.I.T.E.O.U.T changed the title to Whiteout's How To: Alleviate Your Skull Buddy's Sudden Cravings for Bread

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